Quest for the Answer

When I think about this it makes me more and more confused and lost. Whenever I find myself at the end of certain phase or episode in life I would never be able to trace back the path that lead to that consequence or the “ending”. I really don't mean the chain of thoughts that led to that ending. Whatever the solution or the “right decision” is for an issue or a problem it has been decided. Some might cause regrets, others might cause joy. Sometimes the decision making process is so fast that we are not ready for the 'whats coming next!'. But is the personality (or personalities - if there is more than one inside me, could be the one who is thinking all this?) which helped me find the answer or the “perceived right” direction or the “right” path really an entity with its own will, able to wright its own destiny. Power of Will? Is there anything as such? Aren't we all binded by infinite number of incidents happening all around the Universe (or perhaps universes) , ultimately affecting each other like the effects of multiple ripple formation on a lake, only infinite in number? Every incident/event affecting the other , just like a Butterfly Effect! LOVE TAT MOVIE.. Or the Sound of Thunder!!

The difference between a child and a grownup is that a kid will always feel and even realize for sure that he/she is the center of this world; we as grownups have realized that it is completely untrue and there is no center whatsoever! A child once believed that he could fly until his mother makes him believe that it is not possible for man to fly. Could the child really have flown like superman? Ofcourse, nobody saw him! A man believes that he is perfectly healthy until he goes for a routine checkup and is told he has cancer. The man dies after a couple of months due to cancer. Is Belief so important? What about Fate or Destiny? A person smokes tons of cigarettes and never gets any smoking related disease in his life. Another maintains a strict life with no harmful consumption of any kind, and this man dies of lung cancer! Ironic? Fate? Someone saved all his life so that he could enjoy after retirement without having to worry about cash to live in comfort. He dies the next day after his retirement. A couple tried to have kids several times and every time the wife conceived, miscarriage followed after a couple of months even after taking the best precaution they could. The last time she conceived the child came out perfectly stable and healthy even after a long bumpy ride of hundreds of miles in the last row of a bus trying to reach a a bed ridden parent who was sick. Ironic? Fate? Destiny?

Life takes us thru all the journeys and lessons and at some point we think that we have learnt almost everything. Well almost? Yet at every phase of life, at every page, at every turning we are left with some lesson or some thought that had escaped us before. Sometimes life seems to be an endless process of thought accumulation in us, inside us (somewhere in the brain?) until the day we die! But then for what purpose. What bigger picture? Or is it even necessary to have a purpose or a bigger picture for everything? May be. To me if you look around it seems like everything has small purposes and a bigger purpose is met by all these smaller purposes. But check this out......

If we have to take humans out of this whole scene of existence is this universe there wont be much change except only some positive changes that will help the existence on earth. So the whole universe is still there without us and more prosperous as far as our planet is concerned. So we don't seem to have much purpose here. Or are we missing the bigger picture? We will never know if we actually go extinct! So how do we actually know things that we cannot otherwise know? Hence, sometimes the bigger picture will never come to light or cannot come to light like the above case. For me this creates an emptiness inside me. The feeling that there are things and thoughts that I cannot have or realize. This feeling takes me back to another question. If we don't know the purpose of life, is it worth living? Pessimistic... ? Think about it....